How 365 days changed

365 days back I was so happy with my achievements, It felt like the world was mine. The future seemed so bright. I gave my 100% in achieving what was in front of me. I got what I wanted.

Then I left my friends, family, loved ones and embarked on a new journey feeling confident, happy and excited. The new world seemed so nice, made new friends, met so many varied people. Life was till then also a bed of roses. Everything was picture perfect. Smoothly sailed through the first chapter of my new life.

Then as the saying goes " What goes up always has to come down" .... I fell... fell straight on my face. Both figuratively and literally. Then the whole life took a U-turn. Failure started knocking my doors. One after other I faced failure, but I dint lose hope. Thought I still have people ( read friends) by my side. But then the last ray of hope was also overshadowed by darkness. And suddenly I lost all of them. One by one all strand of relationships started breaking.

I was left all alone. But still held myself saying "its just a bad phase.. will pass soon", thought will go home and all will be alright. But when I reached back home got the greatest shock of my life. The person I loved the most in my life was suffering from "Cancer" , my whole confidence in life shook. It was like I felt everything is coming to an end. My health also started detoriating with kidney stones and what not.

Mom was strong but I just couldn't see her like that. So again tried to run away from home, thinking college would be better. I turned 22, was happy about it that finally I am now an adult. Thought since could not celebrate B'day at home will get to celebrate it in GIM style.

Since the time I came to GIM made numerous videos, enjoyed making them. Was a good way to display my till now hidden creativity. But seems nobody even remembered my Big day. Waited everynight for my b'day video. Everybody in GIM awaits for his video. This is one day everybody is made feel special. People spank him, smash cake on him, but also give their wishes. But nothing of that sort happened to me.

Seems I have lost it, finally after so many years of standing strong I have given up. Giving up was never in my nature, I always fought with circumstances. but this time I am defeated by situations, people.

I am still waiting for my hope of ray, the silver line in the dark clouds.

Everybody around me is so happy, so joyful. But why is it not that I can share the joy.

Even the short moments of laughter are fake, they come and go .. but dont stay. I am just afraid I dont break down.

I have always been a person who cries easily, but never have cried while smiling, nowadays I smile on my condition and then sob on it. This I think is the most dangerous thing. I still cannot make out what I am going through.

I suddenly get lost in a crowd. This has never happened to me. What has changed???